The insect enlargement gun is perfect for anyone who has ever wondered what the most terrifying, formidable insects in the world taste like. I mean, what they really taste like. Eating them in their un-enlarged state just does not do their many juices and flavors succulent justice. Especially when you consider that the eyeball, in my opinion, is the best tasting part of the house fly. I’ve long wondered about that, and now I can say I know for certain. I eat them like apples though they taste more like worms. Tangy orbicular worms.

I remember when the idea first came to me, sitting in my basement laboratory, silently and glossy eyed. It was spurred by conscious awareness of how unlike I was, as a human, to every other human I could ever recall meeting, People of Earth. Even my wife and children no doubt found my behaviors eccentric. I kept purposefully considering how best to change them. For one thing, how does a man eat so as not to attract attention to the spectacle of his eating? How does one desire less? And I put myself in the mind of an insect, rather naturally. I mean, given the context it is perhaps seemingly unnatural but at the time of my doing so I considered it perfectly natural and right. Insects eat so little relative to humans, if much more violently and, so, messily. I have yet to resolve the problem of my table manners, as you were all witness to during the repast portion of this luncheon / lecture.

Then in so thinking as an insect and of eating, something got crossed or switched or the two were just conflated and now here I stand and there in the audience you sit. Me, with my insect enlargement gun and you, with your soon-to-be enjoying the benefits of this groundbreaking invention.

Some such benefits, a mere but literal taste, are the sandwiches I prepared and you ate heartily moments ago at luncheon. Sandwiches comprised almost entirely of things I found inside of a pill bug as big as a prairie buffalo! And you can’t taste the difference, am I wrong?

Full disclosure, those weren’t slices of bread as you presently understand the term.